


Trade my Feelings for yours

by Knaija



Series: Learning to Say No [4]
Category: Big Bang (Band), Infinite (Band), Teen Top (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bad Decisions, Hero-worship, I suck at tagging, Jiyong doesn't handle rejection well, M/M, Mentorship, Multi, Rough Sex, alot of idol cameos, dub-con, past Jiyong/Sunggyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-07-22 16:51:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7446625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knaija/pseuds/Knaija
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With bloodshot eyes, he turned away from the door, determined to get over it. He was GD. He didn’t mope. He didn’t wallow and hurt and wish and want like a school boy with a crush. He was going to hurt someone instead.</p><p>It was just too unfortunate that fate brought him face to face with the delectable Minsoo again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t see this story coming but I hope you’d all like it either way.  
> I must out, that while most of my stories are a little (a lot) non-con themed, we should remember that the title of this series is “Learning to Say No” because some people really do need to.  
> So please don’t judge my plot bunnies too harshly… perverts that they are.  
> This continues from:  
> -the tenth chapter of HOW YOU MADE MY HEART YOUR OWN  
> -eleven weeks after the fourth chapter of TO SEE YOU SUFFER  
> -eight and a half weeks after the fourth chapter of BECAUSE YOU SAID SO  
> Timeline’s been a real bitch for me and sometimes even I get confused.  
> It’s a standalone (sort of) but I’d advise you check out the others. It’s more fun that way.

 

Too embarrassed to dignify earlier events of the evening, Jiyong made a commitment to never replay, retell or accept that they actually ever happened. So when he decided to make good on Sunggyu’s Intel that Teentop’s Minsoo was in fact gay, Jiyong could not believe he had managed to top his prior embarrassment.

Presently, he stood outside one of the bathrooms in Infinite’s dorm as he watched the retreating back of a hoobae that he was pretty sure, had once worshiped Big Bang. And yet, in one evening, Jiyong had managed to wipe the boy’s hopes clean and replace the hero-worship with contempt and a little bit of disappointment.

“I told you that you weren’t his type.” Seunghyun said emerging from the bathroom as Jiyong snarled at him.

“It was a misunderstanding.” Jiyong said.

“The first one was a misunderstanding, this was just plain uncomfortable.”

“You saw that?” Jiyong feels said, feeling like curling in on himself because, fool that he was, he’d thought no one was around the first time. “At this rate, I’m never getting laid tonight.”

“You’re not thinking straight.” Seunghyun explained as he entered the room right next to the bathroom and Jiyong followed.

“How?”

“You’re looking for a rebound and the object of your heartbreak is less than ten feet away.” Seunghyun fell unto the bed. “It’s understandable if you can’t think straight.”

Jiyong gulped as he lay down beside his hyung and they both stared at the ceiling that was covered in large posters of English phrases. This had to be Howon’s room. Seungri had said something about looking up at English lyrics during sex. So it had to be Howon’s room.

Or else everyone in Infinite was just weird for no good reason.

“I can think straight.” Jiyong said stubbornly. He could have anyone at this party. Granted, it was a party full of idols but Big Bang were the sunbaes here. If anything, they were more _celebrity_ than anyone present. If he wanted to fuck a hoobae, that was exactly what he was going to do.

Jiyong bounced up from the bed, confusing Seunghyun who groaned but still remained flat on his back. He could do this. He was heartbroken not… broken. His head was still on his shoulders and he was still GD.

As he emerged from the room, he could see the door opposite him close shut, no doubt about to house some sexy times by a lucky couple and Jiyong wouldn’t lie to himself about the tiny roar of jealousy in his belly. He made his way back to the sitting room where the crowd was and by this time, drinks had worked enough that most people were gyrating at the centre and not pretending to hold shouting conversations by the wall.

“Hyung, have you seen Seunghyun-hyung?” Daesung asked as he breathlessly broke away from a couple of girls he was sandwiched between.

“Check the rooms.”

As Daesung swung past him, Jiyong scanned the crowd for potentials, trying to remind himself of the groups Seungri had said would be in attendance. Girl groups? Jiyong would never. Infinite? Too much history there. Any faces he couldn’t recognize he was going to assume belonged to EXO or Big Dogg? Big City? Big Star? Jiyong wasn’t really sure and frankly, he was so drunk, horny and frustrated that he might just take offence with the fact that their names sounded alike. He was having that kind of night.

Then there was Teentop whose leader, Jiyong had successfully –and embarrassingly- rejected _then_ molested in equal amounts of horror. IN ONE EVENING. He was definitely going home alone.

Jiyong headed for the door as he saw two people standing there.

His heart dropped. Jiyong knew he shouldn’t have come to the brainless party. Why risk it when it was in Infinite’s dorm? This sort of thing was bound to happen. Exposure to the competition… or rather the person who claimed victory over Jiyong in all his effort.

Jiyong would never admit how hard he was taking this at the moment because his head hurt, his chest was pounding and he was a hundred percent sure everyone around him could hear him breathing like a crazy person.

With bloodshot eyes, he turned away from the door, determined to get over it. He was GD. He didn’t mope. He didn’t wallow and hurt and wish and want like a school boy with a crush. He was going to hurt someone instead.

It was just too unfortunate that fate brought him face to face with the delectable Minsoo again.

“You’re coming with me.”

“Excuse me?” Minsoo began as Jiyong grabbed his hand and pulled causing Minsoo’s cup to spill his drink but Jiyong didn’t care. He barged into the bathroom Seunghyun had used earlier as he flung the younger boy inside ahead of him. “Sunbae-”

Jiyong cut him off by shoving him against the sink and wrenching his head forward so his mouth was put to better use. Yet, somehow, that wasn’t enough. He pulled away from the kiss just as Minsoo was beginning to melt into it as he pushed the boy’s shoulders till he sunk to his knees. Jiyong pulled at his belt and shrugged his trousers off as Minsoo stared at him with arousal and some irritation but Jiyong didn’t give him time to speak.

“Open your mouth.”

He did open his mouth but the tiny sound that emitted suggested that Minsoo may have wanted to say something. Jiyong didn’t care as he plugged his dick into it, grabbing at Minsoo’s head as he began to pound into the hot wetness. Minsoo stumbled back a bit and Jiyong didn’t care if he hit his head against the sink. But he felt the younger leader grab the back of his thigh with one hand and where the other hand was, Jiyong wasn’t bothering to guess.

He moaned when he hit the back of Minsoo’s throat and the boy choked, gagging for a second but Jiyong didn’t relent. He just kept at it, pursuing his orgasm and trying not think about how he was really feeling at the moment.

 _“If we were together, we’d destroy each other_.” Jiyong heard a phantom voice say. But he knew who it was. He didn’t need a face to recognize that voice… those words. They’d been said to him.

Jiyong grunted as Minsoo’s grip on his thigh tightened to the point of painful. And somehow, he liked the pain. He was sure he would bleed or at least bruise. But he didn’t care.

 _“Say you love me.”_ Jiyong had fucking begged during sex. He’d begged to be cuddled. Begged for sex and completely degraded himself in the entire relationship.

 _“I’m in love with someone else.”_ The voice said again and Jiyong bit back tears as he forced himself to continue.

 _“Say you love me.”_ His voice said again.

_“We are nothing to each other anyway.”_

And Jiyong came, screaming into the noisy night as he convulsed on top of the quiet boy beneath him.

Jiyong stepped back, leaning on the bathroom door as he tried to catch his breath. His vision was blurry from tears he hadn’t even realized were there but that wasn’t his biggest concern.

On the floor, completely forgotten was Minsoo, energetically yanking his achingly hard dick as he stared back at Jiyong obviously on the verge of an orgasm.

“Sun… sunbae.” Minsoo said as his eyes tried to flutter shut but he kept them open, masturbating like his life depended on it.

Jiyong knew he should help. He should at least assist the boy he’d just throat-fucked raw. But Jiyong was never making that mistake again. Because he could stoop down and do something about Minsoo’s distress, then tomorrow, the stupid boy would turn around and realize that he’s in love with his idol. Jiyong was not going to go through that again.

So he opened the bathroom door and took his leave.

*********

Minsoo wasn’t surprised that he was the first one home. The renewed familiarity between Infinite and Teentop was about to be cashed by the subtle hints Woohyun had been dropping all evening that Teentop was going to help with the clean up. God forbid Woohyun call his house keeper like a normal person.

He’d snuck out after having a few more drinks and cabbed his way home feeling like a truck was parked in his brain.

Refusing to shower, because he deserved to be that filthy, Minsoo fell into his bed, staring at the 03:44am on his phone. He had no schedules the next day so he could afford a good morning’s sleep that would no doubt be plagued with kohl-wearing nightmares.

When he turned around in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open, the house was noisy again. He looked at his phone expecting it to be at least 9am but he saw 02:02am. He sat up, ignoring the tiny pounding in his head as he looked again to be sure that his phone was not moving backwards. Or had he just…?

Minsoo had spent 23 hours in his bed.

Yes. Because that was very possible. He opened his mouth to yawn and his jaw cricked from underuse. He knew he was ripe and probably recyclable but his tummy grumbled so he made up his mind that the kitchen was his next stop.

“He’s alive!” L.Joe called from his perch on the kitchen island. “Hyung 24 hours. that’s why you’re our leader.”

Minsoo ignored him as he headed straight for the fridge. He heard laughter erupt behind him as he looked back to see Niel pointing at him.

“How horrible do you feel right now?”

“On a scale of one to ten? Infinity.” He slammed the fridge shut as he took out what was probably Chunji’s leftovers and he knew he’d be nagged till all eternity but it couldn’t be helped.

“When we got home, I was so sure you’d be in Jiyong-hyung’s apartment.” Niel said as the pizza box slid from Minsoo’s hand unto the floor because he’d frozen on the spot. Niel helped him pick it.

“Really?” L.joe asked with an eyebrow raised as he looked at Minsoo.

“Why would you think that?” Minsoo said, taking the box from Niel.

Minsoo laughed again as he clapped his hands on L.Joe’s back.

“You should have seen what happened to hyung.” Niel said. “He tried to chat Jiyong-hyung and then he got turned down. Then Jiyong-hyung came back and tried to molest him. Minsoo-hyung was red from head to toe. You should have seen.”

L.Joe had joined in on the laughter now as Minsoo ignored them to fit the box into the microwave.

“But,” Niel straightened up. “It’s just as well it didn’t work out.”

“Be nice.” L.Joe said, patting Niel on the butt. “He had an encounter with his crush.”

“He’s not my crush.” Minsoo seethed and L.Joe stopped, looking at him strangely because Minsoo had doubtlessly used too much venom and anger in his statement. “Don’t say it like that.” He amended even though L.Joe’s eyes still followed him attentively now.

“No really.” Niel was saying as if he was never interrupted. “Nothing good can come out of one night stands anyway.”

L.Joe deadpanned.

“You’re in a relationship with two hyungs you had a one night stand with.”

“That’s…” Niel blushed. “Howon-hyung and Seungri-hyung are different. Besides can you imagine the two weeks of agony I had to endure when Howon-hyung was being mean and stupid about the whole thing being a “one time deal”? It’s not something anyone should have to go through. Believe me.”

Minsoo hummed his agreement, staring at the microwave and pretending to be deep in thought when his mind was firmly in the kitchen with him, sousing out his guilt and shame in self-irritation.

“Plus, it’s Jiyong-hyung.” Niel was still speaking and Minsoo just wanted to beat him till he couldn’t die anymore. “He was obviously looking for a rebound.”

Minsoo and L.Joe looked up at that with identical confused expressions.

“What?” Minsoo asked.

“He just got dumped two weeks ago. At least that’s what Seungri-hyung said.”

“By who?” Minsoo and L.Joe said together.

“Sunggyu-hyung. Yeah. They were a thing for a while.”

Minsoo blinked, trying to clear his eyes because he was about to pass out from exhaustion, hunger and possible literal heart break.

_I was the rebound. I was the rebound. I was the rebound._

“Hyung.” L.Joe said, holding Minsoo up as he shook his head to look between Niel and L.Joe who both wore concerned looks.

“I’m just hungry and a little dehydrated.” Minsoo said.

Niel rushed over with a bottle of water as Minsoo took it from him and drank the entire thing without stop.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

Minsoo had never told a more useless life in his life.

*********

Jiyong hated that his members always pulled him in the direction of Sunggyu. It was painful and annoying. If it was only Seungri, he could remain in his own dressing room till it was Big Bang’s turn on stage. But seeing as Infinite had debuted earlier in their year with APink as a combined group called PT, Infinite now came with girl group members. One of whom was having a thing with Youngbae.

So when Seungri said: “I’m going to see PT”, Jiyong knew he had two choices.

  1. Follow Youngbae and Seungri to go flirt with PT members or,
  2. Stay behind and watch Seunghyun and Daesung suck face.



Jiyong sighed and followed them across the building through the back corridors because PT’s dressing room was on the other side of the arena.

As he got to the room and found it more crowded than it needed to be, it took him a few seconds to realize that Teentop was also there, clowning around and making noise with PT. Because the universe did not care about Jiyong very much.

He took a deep breath and entered, keeping to the walls in order to avoid the cheeriness going on.

“Jiyong?”

He stopped and turned round to find Sunggyu looking at him quizzically.

“What do you want now?”

“You’re glued to the wall.” Sunggyu said, pointing at the wall as Jiyong sighed off of it and sat on the nearest chair. “I can’t believe you let them drag you here.”

“I wasn’t going to stay behind and be a third wheel.”

As he dusted off invisible sand from his clothes, Sunggyu sat beside him, struggling to understand what he’d been talking about.

“Did you enjoy the party?” Sunggyu wagged his eyebrows at him.

“You left me there.” Jiyong accused.

“You left me first.” Sunggyu shot right back. “How did it go with Minsoo?”

“He’s not for me.” Jiyong folded his arms.

“I don’t get what that means. I’m not fluent in bullshit.”

He found out too late, that he’d taken too long to speak that Sunggyu had looked over at where Minsoo was sitting with Woohyun and Eunji. Only Minsoo wasn’t involved in that conversation so much as he was glaring at Sunggyu and Jiyong. Sunggyu looked back at him in clear judgment.

“What?!” Jiyong asked in innocence.

“You did something even worse than rejecting him?”

Jiyong’s eyes widened in shock.

“How did you hear about that?”

“Niel told me. What happened after I left?”

“He’s just like you.” Jiyong said, leaning back on the chair as he placed his head on the wall and closed his eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’ll be nothing but a quick fuck and then when it’s all done, he’ll go off and fall in love with his mentor who so happens to be a member of my group. So, no thanks.”

Sunggyu smacked him hard on the forehead as Jiyong flinched and sat up.

“What the fuck?”

“You are so stupid.” Sunggyu said. “He’s not me. Seunghyun-hyung is in a relationship. How do I know all this better than you?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jiyong said, feeling the familiar boil of anger that almost always came when he and Sunggyu rowed. Except now, there was no hope of mind-blowing sex in the future.

“Are you going to go through life assuming everyone is me?” Sunggyu asked.

“If everyone was you, I’d never get laid.”

“Stop trying to be mean. I know you’re actually a nice person now.” Sunggyu said and Jiyong scoffed.

“So nice you didn’t choose.”

Jiyong’s eyes were closed again but he could feel the hurt roll off of Sunggyu. He expected the regular blow out, or a little calling out or something but Sunggyu just sighed like he could read Jiyong so easily and that angered him even more.

“You’re trying to get me mad.” Sunggyu said.

Jiyong got up from the couch in an angry sigh as he walked out of the room but Sunggyu followed. He cut in front of Jiyong as he placed his hand on his chest and Jiyong looked down at it.

“You slept with him.”

Jiyong slapped his hand off.

“You slept with him and you treated him like trash.” Sunggyu accused.

“Of course you’d think the worst of me.” Jiyong replied.

“This isn’t anger on you. It’s guilt. You did something really bad and being in the same room as him is making you itchy.”

A lot of things were making Jiyong itchy. Principal of them being that he was in a deserted corridor with Sunggyu and he could see the tint on his lips where the make-up noonas had piled on a little too much pink but it fit just right anyway on him. Standing this close, he could smell Sunggyu, too. His senses were completely flooded with feelings that he’d not experienced in a long time but there was nothing he could do about it. Not when Sunggyu was being righteous at the moment.

“You don’t know me.” Jiyong said.

“I know that I’m always the one running a temper between us but right now you’re more mad than me.”

Jiyong scoffed as he leaned back and looked at Sunggyu slyly.

“You’re picking a fight with me.” He said and Sunggyu faltered.

“What?”

“This is what you do, right? Get me all riled up and ready to go.”

“Now you’re sounding crazy.”

“Am I?” Jiyong asked stepping up to Sunggyu as Sunggyu backed away.

“What are you doing?” Sunggyu was starting to sound like his usual self.

“Maybe you’re not done with me after all. What happened? Has Jongwan still not put out?”

Sunggyu punched him. Now _that_ was unusual.

Jiyong rubbed at his cheek as he shot Sunggyu a glare.

“I don’t know why I thought we could be friends.”

With that, Sunggyu pushed past him and went back into the waiting room.

 _Great,_ Jiyong thought. _Now I’d have to redo his makeup._

                                                                                           

*********

When Sunggyu returned mere minutes after he left the dressing room with Jiyong, Minsoo got up as carelessly as he could and made his way to the door. Surely, Jiyong couldn’t have gone too far. As he emerged from the room, he saw Jiyong walking briskly away and he jogged up to meet him.

“SUNBAE!” He shouted. “SUNBAE!”

But Jiyong didn’t stop till Minsoo pulled him back and he turned around as Minsoo gasped.

“What happened?” he reached out but Jiyong moved his head out of Minsoo’s grasp.

“I really don’t want to talk about it.”

It was awkward. What with the standing around and saying nothing and the memory of the last time they were together alone fresh on both their minds. So Minsoo said the first thing that came to mind.

“We don’t have to talk.” _Bad idea, you stupid boy! Bad idea._

But Jiyong looked him in the eye for the first time since he’d entered the dressing room and Minsoo couldn’t be bothered with the consequences of his words. He wasn’t about to care that he’d just given Jiyong permission to do with him as he pleases. He wasn’t going to care that this was all he was ever going to get from Jiyong. Just sex. Not respect. Not care. Not a sensible relationship.

Not when, minutes later, he was face down on a table in the nearest supply closet with Jiyong easing into him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not know how underground rap scenes work but the scene described later on, in this chapter a sort of mix between a rowdy rap battle arena and a cool jazz bar… if you can believe it.

Minsoo tried to walk slowly, but he really needed to pee. So as he got into the apartment that morning, he hurriedly kicked off his shoes as he made his way to the bathroom in a haze of uneased frenzy. As he stood there, looking at the mirror that sat on the wall, behind the toilet seat (a practical joke from the maknae line) Minsoo caught sight of the bruise coloring the right side of his neck. He turned his head to the left with his eyes never leaving the mirror and stared at the four-fingered purple mark that was sure to have a matching thumb on the left side of his neck where Jiyong had grabbed him.

He guessed it was too much to ask Jiyong to let him stay the night at the hotel after Jiyong had ensured that a cab ride home would be impossible to sit through what with his ass smarting the way it was.

But gift horse and all that…

As he emerged from the bathroom, a long drawn out moan erupted from Niel’s room and Minsoo didn’t even have the energy to roll his eyes. Much less reach his own room. So he collapsed unto the couch closest to the bathroom corridor as he lay on his stomach because his ass wasn’t ready to talk to anything yet.

Minsoo was angsting. He knew that much was true. But it wasn’t like he had any other choice in the matter. If he’d just heeded Seunghyun-hyung’s advice and stayed away from Jiyong, he wouldn’t be in this mess. He’d basically waved his ass in Jiyong’s face that night at the party and when the ignoring started after, he’d gone ahead and done it again the other day, backstage.

So, that he was stuck in a weird limbo between sexual satisfaction and emotional constipation, was no one’s fault but his.

“Niel-ah,” Seungri’s voice sounded fond as it carried through Niel’s door. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Minsoo waited as Niel stayed silent for a few seconds before he cleared his throat.

“I’m trying to get you off, hyung. You didn’t come.”

“You have a sore throat.”

“You won’t let me use my hands.”

“Because you’re sick and we made this date to take care of you.”

“Hyung-” Niel began his whine.

“Howon will take care of it when he gets here.”

“But I’m here-”

“Stop being a brat and get up here right now.”

Minsoo heard rustling and a not-so-quiet bout of grumbling occur that told him Niel was heeding Seungri’s advice.

“What’s taking him so long anyway?” Niel asked, sounding like he was pouting.

“He has a schedule.”

“It’s 2am.”

“He’ll be done in an hour.”

“So you’ll be hard till then?”

Seungri scoffed as it quickly turned into laughter and then morphed into a giggling match as Seungri and Niel echoed through the dorm, obviously unaware that the dorm was no longer empty.

“If you’re feeling better later in the day, you can blow Howon.”

Now, it was Niel who scoffed.

“He said I give terrible blowjobs.” And the pouting voice was back.

“That’s just because you called him a horrible bottom.” Seungri said wisely.

“He is.”

Seungri laughed.

“That day, I got to his dorm first and he was kinda horny. So he said he won’t wait for you. He nagged me throughout the entire thing. “You’re too slow. Harder!”, “Niel-ah, open your eyes”, “Why can’t you do better than once every million thrusts?”. He’s horrible.”

“He’s just bossy is all.”

“I’m never fucking him again.”

“You say that now…”

And Minsoo lost track of the rest of the conversation as he imagined talking to Jiyong like that. He couldn’t successfully picture it because every time he tried, his mind kept screaming –ERROR! ERROR!! ERROR!!! till he got dizzy. Maybe, if he had met Jiyong before the thing with Sunggyu…

The house door clicked open and Minsoo continued to lie, assuming it was just another member.

“Minsoo?” Howon said, causing Minsoo to sit up and hiss when his ass collided with the couch roughly. “Sorry I opened the door. I thought only Niel was home and he’s sick.”

“Hyung, it’s fine. Seungri-hyung is here too.”

“Oh.” Howon smiled conspiratorially. “They think I’ll be at the studio till three.”

Minsoo smiled back, weakly and a little wistfully as Howon entered into the room where Seungri and Niel were, once again, arguing.

“Why are you arguing with a sick person, hyung?” Howon accused as the room erupted into a surprised and gleeful response. Howon closed the door behind himself so Minsoo could no longer hear what was going on. He tried to move and winced again.

How could he hope for conversation from a guy who didn’t even care enough to lube him before sex?

*********

The first time Seunghyun was invited to Trix, he could safely say he was the dongsaeng in a room full of sunbaes, hyungs and a few noonas. Tablo had a craving and didn’t want to go alone because Mithra was going through a phase and Jongwan was NOT a rapper. So he’d dragged Seunghyun along. He’d been all starry-eyed and fascinated by the pseudo-underground scene for idol-rappers to let loose and battle. Far, far away from cameras and fans.

He’d wondered why Tablo needed a wing man but after he’d been registered into Trix as a member –courtesy of Tablo- he’d tried to go on his own and almost drowned in the haze of other people’s camaraderie and battling pairs. So he pulled Jiyong along. After two hours of Jiyong’s presence, he was so confused to find that it was possible to turn down Jiyong’s enthusiasm about anything. Jiyong sat gloomily at their table, drank two glasses of water and refused to join in any battles that were extended to the “hoobaes in the house”. Seunghyun was then forced to come to the conclusion that Jiyong’s love for rap extended only as far as there was a camera around.

He didn’t hold the focus or wistfulness Jiyong usually did when they were recording or making music. It became scarily obvious that while he was supposed to be the idol of idols, G-Dragon’s real life persona was more in love with _making_ music than showing it to the rest of the world.

Therefore, Jiyong? Bad Trix Wingman.

So Seunghyun dragged Minsoo along. For two reasons: the first being that Minsoo would appreciate a place like Trix. And the second being that Seunghyun would have someone to call “younger” in such a place.

Trix was such a tiny establishment for its particular purpose but Seunghyun supposed it was only fitting, seeing as he’d seen thirty –maybe forty- idols, cumulatively, in his three visits to the place. At any given time, he hadn’t seen more than twenty people in the room. It made sense that not many people knew about it being that it catered to idol-rappers (which was already a small percentage of idols) and to a much older generation than his. He could not imagine who would think up such a place but if Seunghyun had found his solace, he was more than willing to share.

“Is he registering?” The man by the door in his tiny cubicle full of papers asked as he buzzed Seunghyun and Minsoo in.

“Nah. Too young.”

“Hyung!” Minsoo chided as Seunghyun pushed him passed the cubicle and into the room where Minsoo stopped, looking like he was about to have a heart attack. “What is this place?”

“You’ll see.” Seunghyun said, heading for the bar as Minsoo followed, keeping his head turned in the direction of the idols present.

Roughly thirty minutes later, after Minsoo had experienced his first rap battle in a place where he wasn’t allowed to yell profanities at the contestants or do more than nod to the beat in happy gusto, Minsoo took his first drink, sipping distractedly as a soloist took the stage. It was all rather invigorating and stifling at the same time. Seunghyun could see it on Minsoo’s face, every time he tried to curb his reaction or stop a howl in his throat. He’d gone through the same thing his first time at Trix. Now, it was his turn to see what he must have looked like, staring at hip hop legends spit fire to such a calm environment without the loud backing of a rowdy audience… listening to a rapper think, seconds before the words come filing out of his mouth… watching as he/she closed their eyes in concentration because as much as they were trying to get a point across, they needed their audience more attentive to their words –their feelings- than the reaction of their fellow audience members.

There was something so unprecedented but still so right about Trix.

Minsoo shied away from going on stage. The fear in his eyes as he backed away from Seunghyun told him that Minsoo wasn’t merely being coy, the boy was really humbled to be there and he didn’t think he was worthy. So Seunghyun let it go. Letting the bartender spoil him, Seunghyun drank the evening away, listening to words cloud his mind and soon, Minsoo was urging him into consciousness as Seunghyun’s head lifted from the top of the bar. He didn’t even know when he’d slept off.

“What time is it?” Seunghyun asked.

“Eleven-ish.”

Seunghyun groaned.

“I have to be at the airport tomorrow morning.” He cleaned his face as he looked around, noticing that the bar had filled up during his nap time. He had a movie shoot in Busan that weekend and had thought he’d spend one last night in Trix in case the shoot lasted the entire week.

“I know hyung.” Minsoo said. “We should get you home.”

Seunghyun hummed, allowing Minsoo to take his jacket and hold it out for him even as Minsoo kept nodding his head to the beat and looking at the stage.

“Would you like to come back here?” Seunghyun asked and Minsoo’s eyes widened.

“When are you getting home from Busan?”

“You don’t have to wait for me.” Seunghyun offered as they neared the doors.

“You said I was too young to get registered.” Minsoo chided.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t get another hyung to take you.”

“I don’t know anyone here.”

“I can ask one of my hyungs to look in on you if you’d like.”

Minsoo nodded, eyes drawn back to the stage as the attendant buzzed the doors open.

*********

“Hyung, you slept at the bar. How can you still be so drink?” Minsoo said, unable to keep his snappiness out of his voice.

“You do understand how alcohol works, Minsoo?” Seunghyun said as he fiddled with the lid on top of the keypad to his house.

Minsoo stood behind him, holding Seunghyun up as Seunghyun just looked pensively at the keypad as if hurt that it wouldn’t open itself. Huffing, Minsoo snapped it open for him.

“Thank you.” Seunghyun said as he continued to stare.

“What’s the password, hyung?” Minsoo asked as his fingers hovered over the keypad.

Seunghyun hummed pitifully, looking imploringly at Minsoo and Minsoo realized he probably couldn’t remember what it was.

Yet, somehow, the door opened for them.

“Thank go…” Minsoo trailed off as he saw a pissed looking Jiyong standing there in a pair of boxers and an unclasped house coat. “Sunbae.” He bowed. Or tried to, with Seunghyun hanging off of him.

He stepped in as Jiyong stepped back to allow them in. Suddenly feeling uneasy, Minsoo trudged his way into the apartment, trying to remember the way to Seunghyun’s room as he’d only been there once before.

“The one on the left.” Jiyong hissed and Minsoo nodded, entering as Seunghyun landed on his bed.

As Minsoo set about taking off Seunghyun’s shoes and socks, he tried to keep his fingers steady because…

Jiyong was in the house. Jiyong was in Seunghyun’s house. Jiyong was undressed in Seunghyun’s house. Why was Jiyong undressed in Seunghyun’s house?

When the shoes and socks were done, he pulled Seunghyun in, laying his hyung properly as he dragged the discarded bedspread over Seunghyun’s sleeping form. Looking down at his work Minsoo knew he couldn’t just walk out there. What was he going to do? What was he going to say? Were they going to have sex? Or would he just walk out, greet and be gone? If he tried to stay would Jiyong pursue him away? If he left without trying to stay would Jiyong take that as an insult? What was the etiquette for meeting in a house?

After the party at Infinite and the night backstage, the four more times he’d been with Jiyong had been at a hotel. He didn’t know what Jiyong’s home looked like and Jiyong had never invited himself over to the Teentop dorm. But now, they were here in a home. he didn’t know what to do. If he went out and Jiyong wasn’t anywhere to be seen, should he just leave?

Minsoo stopped moving when he realized he’d been pacing. His wits were frayed and he was running out of nails to bite. So he sat on the bed, kicking off his shoes as he pulled his legs up to hold against his chest. This was his punishment for not respecting himself. His whole life had to be uncomfortable and lacking in the luck department.

Yes, Chunji could go out and sleep with noonas all the time and share stories of never repeating a bed. He’d have a crush one day and be free the next because said crush would become a one night stand before she became a forgotten memory.

But Minsoo’s crush-one-night-stand had become an unbearable and inevitably repeatable experience that was causing him more grief than he wanted. But oh, how he wanted… he wanted so bad it hurt so good every time he was cast aside. He could see himself not getting what he deserved but he was so powerless to stop it. There was nothing he could do about it. It was Jiyong.

IT WAS JIYONG.

And if he wanted Minsoo to be desperate and without self esteem, that was what he was going to be.

*********

Almost an hour.

Before Minsoo emerged from Seunghyun’s room.

In that time, Jiyong had made tea, put on a pair of pants, combed his hand through his hair, realized he was being ridiculous, taken the pants off, shaken his hair back into disarray and then lounged in the sitting room as he drank his tea.

He watched Minsoo walk out as his eyes searched the large, open house for Jiyong before it landed on Jiyong, downstairs, sitting in the sitting room and staring up at Seunghyun’s door. As Minsoo made his way down the stairs, Jiyong just sat, waiting.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.” Minsoo said breathlessly as he stood by the staircase, rubbing his hand on the banister.

“Or what?” Jiyong asked, holding his empty cup in his hands.

“Or what?” Minsoo repeated dumbly.

“If you’d known I’d be here, what would you have done different?”

“Oh.” Minsoo said, braving a few steps to his nearest chair as he sat on the edge as if expecting to be pulled off of it any second. “Nothing, I guess.”

“Are you sure?” Jiyong asked. “What were you doing up there?” He asked, unable to stop himself. “You know what? Don’t bother. I don’t even care.”

“Wait.” Minsoo said, waving his hands wildly. “I was just… I took off his shoes and put him to bed.”

“For an hour?”

“Well… that… I was just… I didn’t do anything untoward if that’s what you mean?”

“Okay.” Jiyong said, getting to his feet as he made his way passed Minsoo. “You can go now.”

“Ah…” Minsoo got to his feet. “I’d thought-”

“You’d thought what?” Jiyong fired, turning round so fast that Minsoo stepped away to avoid getting singed by Jiyong’s glare. “You thought you’d get yourself revved up on Seunghyun then ease your arousal with me?”

“What?” Minsoo looked completely confused. “I wouldn’t-”

“You wouldn’t what, Minsoo? What are you doing here?” Jiyong asked, feeling angry. “You didn’t know I’d be here so what do you want? What were you going to do if you didn’t find me here?”

“I was just going to drop him off and leave.”

“But here you are, looking at me with doe eyes like I owe you something.”

“You don’t owe me anything.” Minsoo offered hurriedly.

“Then go home.” Jiyong climbed the first step as he heard Minsoo doing the opposite of what he’d asked so he turned back around. “I’m not going to fuck you, Minsoo.”

“Why?” For the first time ever, Jiyong caught a whiff of rebellion in Minsoo’s tone.

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Why don’t you want to? You’re here. I’m here. What’s stopping us?”

“Because I’m not going to play stand-in till you get what you really want and we both know it’s not me.”

Jiyong took another step and Minsoo grabbed him. Without thinking, Jiyong turned around and shoved sending Minsoo tripping down the one step he’d climbed as he rolled unto the rug and stopped, looking up Jiyong in hurt.

“Never touch me unless I tell you to.” Jiyong instructed with a finger pointed at Minsoo.

“Why do you treat me this way?” Jiyong saw the tears cloudy Minsoo’s eyes. “I’ve never done anything to you.”

“Oh please, tell me you’re not crying for sex.”

“I’m not.” And a tear rolled down his face as Minsoo cleaned it off with the back of his hand.

“I’m not going to want to fuck you every time, Minsoo. Get up and go home.”

“So that’s it? I only get you when you want to? What about when I want to?”

“This isn’t about you.”

“Oh, please forgive me for thinking my ass was an important part of the equation.”

Jiyong could not believe his life. Well, at this point, seeing as he’d invited as much insult, he couldn’t exactly blame the cosmos for his luck when he was in his (Seunghyun’s) house getting railed upon by a hoobae. It was bound to happen eventually.

“Look at you,” Jiyong said, snidely, making his way down the four, three, two steps he’d managed up on. “Demanding sex. So what now? Do I… do I roll over? Present myself for you?”

Minsoo managed to remember his place as he lowered his eyes, moving back a little on his ass as Jiyong urged forward.

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Should I have prepared myself, you know just in case you decided you wanted to be the man today?”

“Sunbae-”

“Should I wake up every morning, thinking about you and all the different ways you’re going to make me feel –good or otherwise- because you know, you’re the sun in my sky?”

“I meant no disrespect.”

“But you did disrespect me.” Jiyong snapped, leaning over Minsoo who was now crouched in on himself as he’d been forced to stop moving backwards because he’d hit the foot of a couch. “Because I lowered myself to you, you think you can just come in here and demand anything from me? I don’t owe you anything.”

“I know that.” Minsoo said and the tears were back, making Jiyong cringe in disgust at Minsoo’s pathetic display. “I know I don’t mean anything to you.”

“Then what is all this nonsense? Why are you here?”

“BECAUSE I WANT MORE!” Minsoo shouted as Jiyong blinked in bewilderment.

“More what, Minsoo?”

“More.” The boy sniffed. “More respect… more dignity… more feelings… ultimately,” Minsoo looked up at him. “I just want more of you.”

 _Oh god!_ Jiyong thought. _This boy was worse than Sunggyu._

“You’re not going to get anything from me.”

“Why?”

“Tell me, Minsoo, when you go to bed… when you fall asleep, whose voice is in your ear? Mine or Seunghyun’s?”

“Seunghyun-hyung but that’s because-”

“Who is your idol amongst the both of us?”

“Seunghyun-hyung but-”

“Who do you call “hyung”?” Jiyong said, putting feminine emphasis on the way he said “hyung”.

“Seunghyun-hyung-”

“If Seunghyun-hyung was not in a relationship and he wanted you, would you want me?”

Minsoo hesitated. For a tiny second but Jiyong saw it. Before he said-

“Yes.”

But he’d hesitated. And Jiyong had seen it.

“Lose my number, Minsoo.”

Jiyong turned away, determined not to repeat this journey but as he got to the stairs, he was waylaid by a crying Minsoo with his hands spread in front of himself in a bid to stop Jiyong from moving any further.

“I’m sorry I brought up the sex thing. I should have gone home when you said.”

“Get out of my way.”

“If you don’t want a relationship, I don’t want one either.” Minsoo said, trying to stop Jiyong without actually touching him.

“I said, get out of my way.” Jiyong said.

“Please. I’m begging you. I’ll do anything.”

“Then GET OUT OF MY WAY.” As Jiyong spoke he pulled Minsoo away and shoved him off as he walked up the stairs. “Don’t call me. Don’t look for me. Delete my fucking number.” He looked back at Minsoo. “I mean it.”

Jiyong entered his room and closed the door as he began to strip on his way to the shower. He felt icky and dirty because he’d nearly done it again. He’d looked into those soulful eyes and nearly lost his soul.

But if he was fooled once and was called an idiot for his trouble, he’d be damned if anyone fooled him twice in two months.

*********

This time, when Minsoo got home, his ache was not from physical pain. Compared to what he was feeling, Minsoo was sure he’d welcome the physical pain anyway because his whole life hurt. And he didn’t want his whole life to hurt.

He sat in his room, staring at his phone.

 _“Delete my fucking number.”_ Jiyong had commanded.

Minsoo laughed. After years of pinning, this was what he had to show for: a number that was no longer his to keep anyway.

Sighing as more tears ran down his face, Minsoo selected the options on his phone.

And deleted the number.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: excessive use of ellipsis 
> 
> Spoilers of HOW YOU MADE MY HEART YOU OWN ahead. If you haven’t read it already, then you’ll at least have some insight to what happened between Jiyong and Sunggyu

 

 

 _“I had a really bad day and somehow,”_ He laughed harshly. _“I thought I’d call you because if there’s anyone around me as depressed as I am right now, it’s probably you.”_ He sniffed quietly as he inhaled _. “It’s been weeks and I still have your number.”_ He coughed. _“I can’t believe I still have your number. I thought I deleted it. It’s been a shitty day and I was just going through my contacts and I found your number. I honestly thought I deleted it. Can you just…”_ He trailed off. _“Can you meet me at the hotel room? You remember the room, right? It’s the same one. I’d be really glad if you could come. I already made a reservation at our room. Minsoo I-”_

Minsoo didn’t get to hear the rest because he cut the call.

*********

Jiyong stared at the phone in his hand, not really understanding what just happened. It was Minsoo’s number he’d called… at least that what the ID said. But the behavior was totally off. He dialed the number again and after it rang a couple of times, the number clicked busy.

It’d been so long since he’d used it. Maybe he stored it wrong.

So he went to Seunghyun’s room and got his phone as he searched for Minsoo’s number. He dialed it into his phone and the same ID came out. Which baffled Jiyong immensely. This could not be his night. Really.

Maybe something was wrong with his phone so he dialed the number on Seunghyun’s phone.

“ _Hyung_.” Minsoo said.

“You can pick your calls?” Jiyong said, steadily getting pissed. “I thought your fingers were broken.”

The line went dead again.

“He did not just…”

Jiyong inhaled and exhaled, squeezing a phone in each hand as he sat on Seunghyun’s bed, trying to calm down. If Minsoo was giving him a hard time, then he’d really hit rock bottom.

Lying back, he fell unto Seunghyun’s bed remembering what the past few days had been for him and all he’d had to go through. Jiyong just wished he had a filter to help but if he’d ever had one, he couldn’t seem to find it anymore. And every single thing that made its way into his head, just seemed to file out… in destructive measures.

He’d been at a club with Youngbae –a regular, boring club (the type of which he hadn’t been to in years)- when Sunggyu and Jongwan and a group of other people had showed up. It had seemed fairly innocent. Just another Friday night among friends until he noticed that the guys Sunggyu was with were all older and closer to Jongwan’s age. He’d had to watch as Sunggyu fidgeted the entire night, uncomfortable to be the maknae of the group as he was pulled along and cuddled and sandwiched on the dance floor while Jongwan just laughed at his discomfort.

Till Jiyong couldn’t take it anymore.

He’d left and somehow found himself sitting outside of Sunggyu’s apartment when he’d returned home that night, bags beneath his eyes and smelling like a million other people.

“What are you doing here?” Sunggyu’d asked, entering his password as Jiyong just stood there, watching him. “No, seriously… what do you want?”

“I wanted to talk to you.” Jiyong said.

“Can we do that tomorrow?” Sunggyu said wearily. “I’ve had a really long day.”

Jiyong looked from Sunggyu to his door and then back as Sunggyu scoffed.

“I’m not inviting you in.” Sunggyu said.

“I need to talk to you.” Jiyong insisted.

“And I’m tired so if you could just-”

Sunggyu had to stop talking because he’d been granted a mouth full of Jiyong as he stumbled back into his minutely opened door as Jiyong forced him into the apartment.

“Crap.” Sunggyu groaned as he disconnected his lips from Jiyong’s rather forcefully. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Without answering, Jiyong grabbed his neck and crashed their lips together again as Sunggyu struggled against him and shoved Jiyong away, causing Jiyong to hit the door as he fell to the ground pathetically. Sunggyu started laughing and Jiyong didn’t think he could get up. So he just knelt there on the ground, staring at the rug beneath his knees.

“Are you frigging kidding me?” Sunggyu asked, angrily. “You are the biggest dickhead on every continent and that’s saying something because we live right next to NORTH KOREA!” He shouted as Jiyong cringed, still kneeling. “What did you think you were doing? What were you hoping to achieve?”

Jiyong continued to breathe because he really couldn’t do anything else.

“Jesus Christ! You asshole!” Sunggyu said, storming off and leaving Jiyong where he was on the floor.

By the time Sunggyu had showered and emerged from his room with a brush in his mouth, Jiyong was now sitting on the floor, leaning on the house door with his knees up and his head hanging low. He could practically hear Sunggyu stop in his tracks the moment he saw Jiyong before he continued about his night as if someone wasn’t having a minor breakdown in his fore room.

Jiyong didn’t deserve anyone’s sympathy. Least of all, Sunggyu’s. But he was going though something and he thought he deserved a little bit of understanding. But everyone was either in too much of a hurry or too quick to judge or too quick to dismiss because, apparently, Jiyong wasn’t a real life boy with feelings. So he dealt with his shit alone.

And while he could usually survive, he suddenly found himself ill-equipped to deal with his present issues. Which all just kept circling back to Sunggyu who’d unwittingly broken him without even trying. Sunggyu who hadn’t ever been with a guy, physically, before Jiyong. Sunggyu who was so much more innocent than the world knew. Sunggyu, so unassuming.

He must have lost track because next thing he knew, a plate of burnt, fried eggs were being shoved under his nose as Jiyong raised his head away from the offensive meal. He looked up at Sunggyu and he was also holding a plate and looking down at Jiyong like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“What the hell is going on with you?” Sunggyu sat on the elevated floor, dropping his own plate on the ground as Jiyong mirrored his behavior.

“Nothing.”

Sunggyu pinched the bridge of his nose like Jiyong was a bad-tempered child.

“I’m supposed to be sleeping.”

“I saw you at the club.” Jiyong blurted out. “Trouble in paradise?”

“You need to stop praying for Jongwan and I to break up. Move on.” Sunggyu sighed. “I’m really not that much of a catch so what is wrong with you?”

Understatement. Of. The. Year.

“I saw how uncomfortable you were.”

“Yeah, because those hyungs were being ridiculous and unnaturally handsy.” Sunggyu said like it was the most acceptable thing ever. Jiyong suddenly realized that maybe love did make a man stupid.

“They were a little more than handsy.” He prodded.

“Because Jongwan-hyung can be vindictive sometimes.” Sunggyu said fondly and now, Jiyong was confused. “Not that it’s any of your business,” Sunggyu said. “But I took Jongwan out with some friends from back home. He didn’t want to come and so he whined the entire time. When I tried to get mad, he said he didn’t think I’d last as long with his own friends which, I’m pretty sure he hired those guys to frustrate me because I’ve never seen him with any of them.”

“So it was just a big joke?” Jiyong stared at the idiot before him. “I’m so stupid.”

“Oh, so that’s why you came here?” Sunggyu nodded, picking at his egg. “You thought I’d need comforting. That’s sweet Jiyong but I’m not on the market.”

“I know that now.” Jiyong grouched, angrily.

“Really. What’s the matter?”

“Don’t do that.” Jiyong snapped.

“Don’t do what?”

“The whole friendly thing. It’s not you at all.”

“You’re the one in my house looking like a kicked puppy.” Sunggyu grouched right back. “If you’re going to block my door, you may as well tell me why?”

And after an awfully cathartic night of receiving judgment, dismissal and a hint of Sunggyu-flavored comfort, Jiyong realized he’d just admitted to having inappropriate relationships where he was nothing less than a mean bull to the past few people he’d been with since Sunggyu, because of Sunggyu. And he’d admitted all that to Sunggyu.

Really, he couldn’t get much lower.

When he’d gotten home, deciding to scroll through, looking for comfort, he was suddenly met with Minsoo’s number. As if his night hadn’t brought him enough shame, he had to go and get hung up on.

For the third time that night, Jiyong took his jacket and left Seunghyun’s apartment.

Following months of pretending as if he had no idea where the Teentop apartment was, he found himself banging at the front door, unable to keep his anger in anymore.

Finally, the door opened and a shocked Minsoo stood there looking at him.

“I know I haven’t spoken to you, but really Minsoo, there’s no need to be rude.” He said, pushing past Minsoo.

“Sunbae-”

“This is stupid and ridiculous. You’re being stupid and ridiculous. Aren’t you the one who was begging me for another chance? I’m here. I’m giving you another chance.”

“If you would just-”

“I mean, if I wasn’t so… you know what?” Jiyong took off his jacket and tossed it on the ground as Minsoo’s eyes widened. “I know we’ve never fucked in your dinghy rookie apartment but I’m willing to make an exception.” He spurn round, entering further into the house as he kicked off his shoes only to stop short as he entered the sitting room because…

Sitting on a floor cushion, surrounded by candles and a darkened house light with a table of food before him was Mino. WINNER’s Mino. Mino was on a date with Minsoo. His dongsaeng was on a date with his… his fuckbuddy?

“Hyung.” Mino said, shifting into a kneeling position as he bowed at Jiyong from the floor. His averted eyes showed that he’d heard at least all of what Jiyong had been saying.

“Wh… what are you…?” Jiyong was so worried and confused because he really didn’t deserve this. “Why are you here?” He said stupidly as if the scene before him wasn’t painfully obvious.

“Uh… Minsoo-hyung invited me over.” Mino said meekly. “I didn’t know that… you two… I’m so sorry.”

Mino was getting to his feet but Jiyong just shook his head, retracing his steps as he hastily picked up his shoes and his jacket on his way out, refusing to stop and believe that Minsoo just watched him walk out his apartment without trying to stop him.

As Jiyong hopped around in the elevator, trying to wear his shoes, he sobbed, quietly to himself. He wasn’t sure why but he suspected it might have something to do with shame and embarrassment because there were so many things wrong with that scene. Minsoo was a hoobae who was younger than him. And yet, he’d managed to make Jiyong feel… he really wasn’t sure.

He wiped his face as he watched the numbers tick by till the doors swung open. He couldn’t go home because he wasn’t ready for that and he couldn’t go back to Seunghyun’s because he really needed to cry very loudly and he couldn’t do that without explaining everything to Seunghyun.

Luckily, he’d reserved a perfectly comfy room for the night.

*********

“You didn’t tell me that you and Jiyong-hyung…” Mino trailed off, looking at Minsoo who was still leaning on the wall.

“For like two seconds.” He said, not bothering to explain further because the obvious resignation on Mino’s features told him that he won’t get anything more out of Mino. Not that night. Not when Mino now knew that Jiyong had a stake. Not ever.

“Oh.” Mino nodded.

Minsoo had expected sex. Mind-blowing, sweaty, noisy sex. And from the amount of flirting and hints that Mino had been dropping in the past two weeks, it was apparent that he was going to get it. And now, after burning his fingers while lighting the blasted candles because Niel –the resident romantic- seemed to think it was necessary, he was going to go to bed with nothing but the hope of possibilities.

“I can’t… we can’t do this.” Mino gestured between them and Minsoo understood. He’d figured as much.

So he closed the door behind Mino.

He switched on the lights.

He turned off the candles.

He cleared out the plates and put the leftovers in the fridge.

He picked up his jacket and left the house.

*********

**MIN: Open the door!**

Jiyong stared at the text for a few minutes before he began to move into action.

But even then, he couldn’t understand why he was so anxious.

*********

Minsoo couldn’t understand it either. Because the amount of desperation coming off of Jiyong at the moment was shocking and oddly arousing. But he wasn’t going to question it. Not when Jiyong was letting him get away with so much.

He was pissed, yes. But he’d be foolish to ever forget who was really in charge. It’d taken him a week to leave the house without schedules and two more to allow Chunji drag him to social gatherings. Almost a month after, Minsoo finally told Chunji everything. And just as he’d gotten his sanity back –a reduced amount of self-pity- Jiyong had stepped into his life again as if he could smell Minsoo’s possible happiness.

He was pissed. And luckily, Jiyong was being accommodating. So he pushed his advantage, shucking Jiyong’s pants down as he tipped him just a little, causing Jiyong to keel over and land on the floor. Without letting him recover, Minsoo was on him again, mouthing at his jaw and his neck and everywhere he could get his mouth to till Jiyong was naked from the waist down.

“Minsoo.” Jiyong moaned when Minsoo’s hand grabbed his dick. Jiyong’s eyes were shut tight, as if he was in pain, but he didn’t complain. He just lay there and let Minsoo have his way.

His finger slipped past Jiyong’s balls and rubbed between his cheeks and Minsoo stared, breathing through his mouth, expecting Jiyong to push him away. When that didn’t happen, he pressed further, forcing Jiyong to shiver in his arms as Jiyong’s legs slid wider beneath him.

Minsoo was feeling a lot of things at the moment, arousal being almost paramount; but even he knew how wrong all of this was. So he shook his head, withdrawing his hand as Jiyong’s eyes flew open in worry.

“What are you doing?” Jiyong said, grabbing at Minsoo’s hand but he was already leaning away, backing away, moving as he tried to distance himself from the bad decision he was about to make. “Minsoo, come on. You can do whatever you want.”

“What happened to you?” Minsoo asked.

Jiyong crawled to Minsoo.

“I’m offering you me, Minsoo.”

“You’re almost begging.” Minsoo said in mild shock. “Why?”

Jiyong reached him, hiking unto his lap as Minsoo leaned back on his hands.

“I’m having a bad day.” Jiyong said as if that explained everything. “I’m having a bad day and you’re it.”

“Your last resort?” Minsoo said, breathlessly as Jiyong leaned in close enough that their lips brushed.

“Anything. You. Want.” He said before he kissed Minsoo.

*********

Jiyong’s eyes opened as a sound rustled behind him in the room. He lifted his head from the pillow as he watched Minsoo get off the bed, naked as the day he was born. He took a moment to admire his lean thighs as he bent over, searching for something on the other side of the bed. When Minsoo stood, he was pulling on his boxers.

And that was not okay.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jiyong asked, sitting up on the bed, just as naked.

“Home.” Minsoo said as he entered into his pants, beginning to jump his way into the zip.

“Why? You can stay the night. It’s almost morning anyway.”

“I can’t stay.”

“Why?” Jiyong heard himself ask. “You’ve always wanted to stay. I could see it in your eyes.”

Minsoo turned back to look at him.

“And yet, you kept kicking me out. You should be happy I’m leaving.” As he left the room into the sitting room of the suite, Jiyong got off the bed, taking the bedspread along with him.

“But you can stay. I want you to.”

“Why?” Minsoo asked wearily.

“There’s a big bed. We can share.”

“There’s always been a big bed.” Minsoo pointed out.

“I don’t understand you.”

“I don’t understand you, either. You don’t speak to me for seven weeks and then you show up at my house and pursue my date off, strip and then leave. Now you want to want to what? Cuddle?”

“I never said I wanted to cuddle.”

“Then what do you want?” Minsoo said. “I can’t do this. I…” He rubbed his face as he turned away from Jiyong. “I can’t do this. We can’t-You can’t do this to me anymore. You wanted me to delete your number and I did.”

“I know-”

“I don’t want to stick around till whatever knocked you into this desperate, whiny version of you knocks you back out and then what? What do I do when you decide that I should delete your number again?”

Jiyong couldn’t answer that. Not because he didn’t have an answer but because he knew his answer would break Minsoo. More than he already had.

“You understand what it is between us.”

“I don’t. I really don’t.” Minsoo said. “I’m not your boyfriend. I’m not a friend. I’m not an equal. I’m not even worth your time when we’re not having sex.”

“We’re not having sex right now.”

“So what am I doing here, then? Why won’t you let me go?”

 _Because I’m broken_ , Jiyong didn’t say. _Because I hurt everyday and it’s gotten so bad I can’t even write about it._

Minsoo put on his jacket.

“Whatever it is… please just leave me out of it.” Minsoo said. Right before he left the suite, letting the door swing shut behind him.

*********

Minsoo spent the next week and a half in the studio. Without his phone. Anyone who needed to see him and was worth it would know where to see him. Teentop hadn’t had their comeback for 2016 so he’d wrongly thought it won’t be such strange behavior if he was binging on work. Andy had tried to pursue him home on more than one occasion but after finding that all that did was make Minsoo lounge in the café on the ground floor till Andy left, he gave up and allowed the boy to do whatever he wanted.

Chunji was worried but was trying not to be overbearing, so he settled for hovering in the corner. Minsoo just ignored him.

L.Joe had let slip that Chorong thought he should be more proactive with his members when they were over-working themselves. Minsoo refused to point out that Chorong had given him the leader-solution and seeing as L.Joe was not Teentop’s leader? Useless bushel of tactics, that was.

Niel knew he was beginning to annoy his leader what with his perpetual happiness and endless line of hyung/boyfriends. So when Howon and Seungri’s visits to their dorm started to decrease till they became non-existent, Minsoo nearly felt bad for the inconvenience.

Ricky still slept in Minsoo’s bed whenever he got in a fight with Changjo and claimed that he “didn’t want to see Changjo’s stupid face”. He was pretty much the same as ever, behaving like Minsoo was pretty much the same as well.

Changjo was always missing. The moment they were out of the studio or done with dance practice, he was gone. Minsoo didn’t want to know what Changjo was doing because after they’d had “the talk”, Minsoo had come away traumatized. From then on, he’d opted to believe that their maknae was anything but naïve or innocent.

When he got home and turned on his phone, he had a lot of messages from friends, Andy, members, more friends, his dad and then there was one message from an unknown number and it read:

**I’m very sorry.**

*********

Jiyong woke up when someone began pounding his head with a pillow. It wasn’t painful, but it was annoying as hell so he flew upright, ready to make them pay when he came face-to-face with Kim Sunggyu. Jiyong groaned, lying back on the bed.

“Why are you trying to destroy me?”

“Why are you not in your house?”

“I can sleep wherever I want.”

“You owe me cab fare for making me go there then come here.”

“No one asked you to.”

Another hit.

“WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?!” Jiyong shouted.

“Get the hell up, Jiyong. We’re packing you home.”

“What?” Jiyong said, opening his eyes and looking around till his eyes fell on the bag Seungri had picked up for him from his place when he’d decided he was going home. Ever. Only now, it was not deflated and forgotten in a corner of the room but sitting on his bed, tucked full and ready to go because… because Sunggyu was a nose poker.

“When you break up with someone, you’re supposed to leave them alone.”

“We didn’t break up.”

“We stopped having sex, Sunggyu.”

“Yeah, after the one time.” Sunggyu said. “You need to leave this house. You’re driving Seunghyun-hyung nuts.”

“I like driving him nuts.”

“I’m taking you home.”

“Why?” Jiyong asked because he really wanted to know.

“Honestly,” Sunggyu began sitting across from him at the foot of the bed. “My therapist said-”

Jiyong laughed. “You’re seeing a therapist?”

“Is that what you’re going to take away from this?”

“What problems could you possibly have that would send you to a therapist? Was it me? Sunggyu did I send you to a therapist?”

Sunggyu’s face went red as he sat there, fuming at Jiyong.

“It had nothing to do with you. I was depressed and-”

Jiyong scoffed. “You? Depressed. You’re the happiest idol I know.”

“I believe you know what an image is, G-Dragon?”

“Nobody has a happy image.”

“Well we can’t all be fierce, walking personifications of doms, can we?”

“I’m not a dom.” Jiyong said.

“Our sexual encounter begs to differ.”

Jiyong smiled at him slyly. “So does that make you my sub?”

“Oh my God! You are completely missing the point.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

“Which is that I finally figured out why you’re having issues. You need to get your life back in order and that begins with not living in someone else’ home.”

“Don’t spend time thinking about me, Sunggyu. You don’t have the right.”

“As a friend-”

“That’s rich coming from you. You have no idea what I’ve been through.”

“I do because you told me.”

“You won’t understand.”

“I’m in therapy, remember?”

“And that’s because you’re self-involved and in need of someone to make something about you even if it’s just for one hour.”

“You’re doing that thing again.”

“What thing?”

“The one where you lash out so I’ll get mad and leave. But my therapist says-”

“Oh fuck your bloody therapist.”

Sunggyu inhaled as if trying to calm himself down before he began to speak again.

“Fine. I don’t understand what you’re going through but we all have our problems.”

“What problems could you possibly have? Other than a boyfriend who worships the ground you walk on. Or… or members who’ll follow you to the ends of the earth. My god, is there anyone who knows you that hates you?”

“I’m kind of an asshole so I’m sure there are people.”

“Even when you’re mean, people still like you. Hell, you went on TV and called a girl a nasty word but that’s done with isn’t it? Everyone’s forgotten it because you’ve smiled and charmed your way into their hearts regardless of their better judgment so don’t try and empathize with me.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes at Jiyong.

“I’ll level with you since you’re so determined to render me unqualified to be your friend. Earlier this year, I discovered that my girlfriend of three years had never once wanted, needed or even liked sex but was taking drugs to lubricate herself so that I wouldn’t notice I was hurting her every one of the begillion times we had sex in those three years.”

_What?_

“Then while I was trying deal with that, you know because I’d unwittingly become a rapist, my mentor saw fit to try and molest me. That was fun.”

“Sunggyu-” Jiyong said, unbelievingly because there was no way that could have-

“Yeah. He thought giving me a blow job would be a good idea. He thought it’d make me feel better but all that did was confuse the fuck out of me and make me even more irritated with myself to the point that I was boxing with my bare hands to feel something because I was numb everywhere else.”

 _Stop._ Jiyong thought. He really didn’t want to hear anymore.

“And just when I was beginning to understand my place in the universe, I met this jackass who was hell-bent on confusing me further. He knew I liked someone else because I’d told him like a hundred times but he just had to get in my head and make me say things that he knew I didn’t mean or didn’t want to say just so he could screw with my head. I don’t know, maybe you know him. A Kwon Jiyong?”

“I… I didn’t know.” Jiyong said.

“So I went to a therapist. Because no one has time for psychological breakdowns in the idol world. If I cracked, I’d take down Infinite with me. I’d take down PT and if I’m going to be self-important enough, I could say I might take down Woollim. Because, yes, I’m an idol and I’m pretty darn important and I don’t need a therapist to make me feel important for only an hour. So now that you know what my 2016 has been like, will you listen to me?”

Jiyong nodded, slowly getting of his bed as Sunggyu shifted, eyes following him as he walked up to the chair by the table where Sunggyu had laid out clothes and underwear for him.

“What am I supposed to do then?” Jiyong asked.

“Take a shower, get dressed and let me take you home.”

“Just that?” Jiyong asked sarcastically, unable to help himself. “Anything else, hyung-sunbae-nim?”

“I know this is none of my business but-”

“But what?”

“Don’t get snappish with me.” Sunggyu chided.

“What is it, then?”

“Have you thought of talking to Minsoo? I know you said he was just a one night stand, but something tells me it’s more than that. I know of at least two times you two were left alone together and I’m willing to bet you didn’t do nothing. Maybe I’m paranoid or just silly, but if you could play with me like that when you were in a good mood, I’m afraid to think of what you’ve done now that you’re in a funk.”

And Jiyong had thought he played his cards close to his chest.

“So? Will you talk to him?”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Because you did something bad?” Sunggyu asked curiously.

“Now, you’re just fishing.” Jiyong said and Sunggyu had the good sense to look caught and embarrassed.

He took the shower and let Sunggyu pull him out of the house after he gave Seunghyun a piece of his mind for being disloyal and reporting him to Sunggyu. Seunghyun was only too happy to see him go that he didn’t even argue with Jiyong at all.

In the cab, he texted Minsoo:

**I’ve very sorry.**

But he received no reply.

A week later, as Jiyong christened his second white room by splashing colors on the wall, he sat back and looked at it. The last time he’d done it, he’d been heartbroken and unable to write. He’d splashed till he found his music again and he’d been more than proud to let Sunggyu see his messy M.O.

Now, he wouldn’t show this to anyone. Now, it really wasn’t working for him as well. So he dipped his hand into the bucket of red paint and put his fingers to the wall, not sure what he was going to do when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

**MIN: it’s okay, sunbae. I’m fine.**

Jiyong wondered what had taken him so long to reply. Using his left hand to type, he said:

**GD: are we cool?**

Ten minutes later, through which, Jiyong had stared at the wall with paint on one hand and his phone in the other…

**MIN: define cool.**

**GD: if you saw me in public, would you shoot me?**

Five minutes later…

**MIN: I don’t have a gun.**

Jiyong laughed, unable to help himself.

**GD: I’ll take that as a yes.**

He didn’t receive a reply to that one till he was about to put his finger on the wall.

**MIN: I won’t shoot you.**

Jiyong pressed his finger on the wall, thinking he could reply Minsoo that way.

_If I were you, I’d shoot me._

Jiyong wrote on the wall.

_If I were you, I’d hate me_

_But if this is your torture to forgive_

_If you’ll punish me and not leave_

_Then maybe, baby, I deserve all of it._

He stepped back as he stared at the wall, humming a tune to the words and thinking, one day, maybe he’d let Minsoo see it after all.


	4. Chapter 4

“I don’t understand how you manage to wind your way out of schedules.” Seunghyun asked from deep within his walk-in closet as Jiyong ignored him, typing away at his phone. “I’m supposed to be the one with the balls.”

“Stop sulking, hyung.” Daesung said, entering the room with a basket of newly laundered clothes. “We’re going for the festival.”

“How come Jiyong gets to flake out and I can’t?” Seunghyun whined. “YG-hyung always does shit like this.”

Jiyong scoffed because he was not in the mood to give in to Seunghyun’s nonsense and join his pity party. Last year, he’d lied and told YG that he had an infection and couldn’t perform because his pants rubbed his skin raw on the sore spot. Jiyong had hated him because YG had allowed Seunghyun to go free even though Jiyong knew for a fact there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.

So Jiyong had made his own plans months ago so that by the time the festival came around, he was automatically excluded and thus, YG’s tolerance for excuses had been maxed which meant no one else could flake.

Ha! Jiyong thought happily as his phone pinged again.

**MIN: I prefer his first album.**

**MIN: maybe that’s just me.**

Jiyong rolled his eyes. This was the sort of idealistic nonsense Minsoo sprouted all the time. And Jiyong just had to argue with it because he’d found antagonism to be a very good conversation boost. If it meant being the bad guy every once in a while, he was willing.

**GD: his first album didn’t sell as much.**

**MIN: because he was making music.**

**MIN: by his second, he was worrying about fans and shit.**

**GD: yeah, because who doesn’t worry about fans?**

“What are you smiling at?” Daesung said, peeping as Jiyong shifted, scaling off the bed as he folded himself into the sofa by the window. “Jiyong-hyung, are you flirting on the phone?” The surprise in his voice was astounding.

“What?” Seunghyun asked, lumbering out from his closet, covered in jackets and shirts. “Jiyong doesn’t even know how to text.”

“He does now.” Daesung said, eyeing slyly.

“Who are you texting?”

“No one.” He said, replying a text.

“Hunh! “No one” does seem to have a lot to say.” Seunghyun said.

**MIN: then don’t go see it if you hate it so much.**

Jiyong looked down at his phone, confused for a minute before he remembered what they were talking about.

**GD: he invited me.**

**GD: off course I’ll go.**

Jiyong was planning to go. That’s why he brought up the topic in the first place. That they were now arguing about it and he was on this side of the argument was just his excuse to prolong the conversation.

**GD: would you like to come?**

He stared at the sentence for a few seconds until it dawned on him that he’d just asked Minsoo out on a date. Because that was a thing that he did now.

**MIN: I don’t think I can make it.**

**GD: why?**

**MIN: it’s the weekend of the festival.**

**GD: so?**

**MIN: I’m going for the festival.**

Really?!

**GD: maybe we can see when you get back?**

Jiyong waited, tapping his phone on his palm as he watched Daesung try to pack Seunghyun a bag. Seunghyun, who wasn’t having any of it, kept removing his clothes right back so that the two of them looked like the couple of idiots that they really were.

**MIN: Teentop has a comeback.**

**MIN: I don’t think I will have the time.**

**GD: okay.**

**GD: can we meet at the hotel?**

**MIN: can we talk later?**

**MIN: I think I have some stuff to get back to.**

**MIN: good night sunbae.**

He frowned at his phone. If he didn’t know better, Jiyong would have said Minsoo was shutting him down. Not very obviously, but surely. As he sat there thinking about it, he could not remember the last time an invite to the hotel hadn’t resulted in excuses and an abrupt end to the conversation. The two times he’d seen Minsoo in person, it had been subtle, but there had always been a member between them or around. And Jiyong hadn’t thought anything of it.

Maybe he was just being crazy.

Or maybe Minsoo really was shutting him down.

And what was with all that “sunbae” nonsense? Jiyong had thought they’d climbed over whatever barrier kept Minsoo from speaking freely. They talked all the time. And when they couldn’t, they texted… and flirted. But now that he sat musing on the situation, he suddenly realized he’d been flirting all on his own.

Which was probably why he hadn’t seen Minsoo naked in weeks.

Jiyong got up from Seunghyun’s bed as he unlocked his phone and dialed his manager’s number on the way out of the room.

“Hyung, where are you going?” Daesung called but Jiyong wasn’t listening.

“Jiyong?” his manager said into the phone. “Anything the problem?”

“Book me a ticket to Gwangju.” Jiyong said. “Looks like I’m going for the damn festival.”

*********

Teentop spent the first night in Gwangju in L.Joe and Niel’s room because while the other members had already offloaded their bags and made a mess of their stuff, Niel was going behind L.Joe and picking up after him like he was being paid. So after the first show, theirs was the room with the most space to sit, lie or laze around.

Minsoo was just about to get up when Niel stood before all of them and clapped his hands, getting everyone’s attention.

“You all need to leave.”

“Yah, Ahn Daniel!” Chunji shouted as the pillow pelted Niel in the face. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”

“It’s my room. I need to use my room. You should leave so that I can use my room.”

“Oho!” Minsoo added, because he was jobless. “Is that how you talk to your hyungs?”

“Hyung, we really need you to leave.” L.Joe said, joining Niel.

“Why?” Ricky asked, looking up from his bowl of chips with full chipmunk cheeks.

“Because I have a date.” Niel and L.Joe said in unison, then froze. Slowly, they turned to face each other.

“I have a date, Niel.” L.Joe said. “You need to go.”

“No, hyung, I have a date.” Niel argued.

“I’m older than you.” L.Joe shot back.

“My dates are older than you.”

“My date’s a girl.”

“My date’s two people.”

“Seems like we’re at an impasse.” Changjo said, smiling.

L.Joe rounded the bed Minsoo was sitting on and faced him.

“Hyung, tell Niel I’m his senior and he has to go.”

“Why am I now in this?” Minsoo asked confused because even though L.Joe was hyung and thus had the rights to the room, Minsoo was a bit partial to Niel because Niel did things for him. Niel hampered his clothes and did his laundry and made sure the maknae line got food for Minsoo when he worked late. L.Joe was useless to him unless they were making music and right now, he’d very much like to remain in Niel’s good graces.

But he couldn’t well kick L.Joe out because then, that’d set a precedent for the maknae-line to think that they could one-up their hyungs and put Minsoo in the middle.

“Niel, I would love to give the room to you but Big Bang and PT have members who aren’t sharing rooms. I’m sure you can move your date to Seungri-hyung’s or Howon-hyung’s rooms?”

“But Chorong is PT, too.” Niel fired back. “L.Joe-hyung can go to her room.”

“But I don’t want to.” L.Joe said stubbornly. And once again, Minsoo was in the middle.

“Why do you even want to be here anyway?” Chunji asked. “It’s a room with two beds.”

“Easier to snuggle on our smaller beds.” L.Joe said with a shrug.

“And I have something to show the hyungs that I can’t exactly carry around in the hall.”

“What thing?” Changjo asked and Niel went red.

L.Joe inhaled in indignation.

“You brought that here?” L.Joe asked, looking angry and irritated. “How the hell could you take that across the country? You put that thing through airport security?”

“It was a necessity.” Niel said.

“It’s an abomination and I can’t believe you didn’t just leave it behind.”

“Because I want to show them.”

“Well, you have an entire week to show off your weird toy-”

“Our schedules won’t allow it. After tonight, the night I won’t be performing, Seungri-hyung will be and the ones that we’re free, Howon-hyung will be performing.”

“It’s no one’s fault you couldn’t stick to a normal relationship with only two people as deciding factors. If you decided to keep a triangle for a love life, that’s not my business.”

Minsoo’s phone rang and he sighed in relief, waving the phone at the entire room to show why he was now dodging the discussion. He clicked to answer just as he opened the room door to leave.

“Sunbae.” Minsoo said into the phone as he entered the corridor to find Jiyong standing in the hall and looking confused.

“What’s your room number?” Jiyong asked.

Minsoo cut the call.

“I thought you weren’t coming.” Minsoo said as Jiyong turned round to find him.

“Bored.” Jiyong said.

“What of the debut exhibition? Isn’t it this week?”

“I called him already. He knows I can’t make it.”

Minsoo nodded as they stood awkwardly in the hall, staring at each other.

“So…” Jiyong began. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“Oh.” Minsoo gulped.

He didn’t want to invite Jiyong in. Not at night. Not to a room that no roommate was in at the moment. If anything, he’d feel better if he walked back to Niel’s room and invited Jiyong in there.

“Which room is yours?” Jiyong asked, walking up to the room closest to them. “This one? Open it.”

Jiyong was smiling at him but it was obvious how much of a command his last statement had been.

“I… the room is a mess. Why don’t we go down to-”

“Open. The Door!” Jiyong no longer had the smile on his face.

“Yeah. Sure.” Minsoo said moving forward to swipe his card through. The door clicked open as Jiyong sauntered in.

Taking a deep breath, Minsoo followed.

“Who’s your roommate?” Jiyong asked sitting on the bed closest to the door and bouncing on it.

“Ricky.” Minsoo sat on the other bed.

“Call him.”

Minsoo’s eyebrows shot up behind his bangs.

“Tell him not to come back any time soon.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Minsoo was such a fool. He’d let Jiyong lure him into a false sense of friendship when this was all he’d ever want. But a part of him had to sigh at the sick thought that Jiyong wanted him. At least, enough to ditch his debut exhibition to come fo the festival. That had to mean something.

Except, it didn’t.

This was just Jiyong being Jiyong. He’d come here to put Minsoo in his place. Minsoo knew it was only a matter of time before Jiyong wanted more and their texts would be shunned to the background. He’d wondered why he heard nothing from Jiyong since he’d asked him to the hotel. And now, here he was in Minsoo’s hotel room. Demanding sex.

“I don’t think it’s right for us to-”

“What about what I think?” Jiyong was now facing him. “We had a deal.”

“I’m not comfortable with the deal anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because… I told you why?”

“Tell me again.”

Minsoo’s lip quivered as he stared at Jiyong angrily. He was going to get what he wanted and leave Minsoo aching and hurting again. He couldn’t let that happen.

“Tell me.” Jiyong urged, getting up from the bed to sit beside Minsoo but Minsoo didn’t know what was happening till he was slamming the bathroom door shut as he locked it in one swift motion.

“Come on!” Jiyong whined on the other side of the door. “What the hell?”

Minsoo leaned on the door, refusing to let go as if he thought Jiyong would be able to push through a hotel bathroom door.

“If you want to talk, come on out let’s talk.”

Lies. He knew that if he stepped out of the bathroom, Jiyong would climb him like a tree and nothing would be solved.

“Minsoo.” Jiyong said and Minsoo knew he was leaning against the door. “I heard what you said the other day.” A thud signified Jiyong’s head knocking on the door. “I respect you. In my own way.”

 _What about my own way?_ Minsoo wanted to ask.

“Just come out, let’s talk for a second.”

Minsoo shook his head, aware that Jiyong couldn’t see him.

A few seconds later, the hotel door closed and he knew Jiyong had gone. Slowly and pathetically, he sank to the floor, hiding his face in his knees.

*********

The festival was going to be as boring as Jiyong had expected it to be. His manager brought his schedule the night he got in and he noticed Big Bang had two appearances: one on Monday morning, during the walk-through and one on Friday, on the last day of the three-day concerts in the evening.

Now that he was in Gwangju, he had to go ahead and attend the festival but the one thing he’d been counting on to make it bearable was now gone. He’d let himself believe that Minsoo would just sweep everything under the rug. He didn’t even know he’d caused the poor boy that much grief. It wasn’t like he’d set out to hurt him or anything. It just so happened that he was there when Jiyong was feeling destructive.

As he thought of it, he cringed a little because he realized he’d been pretty bad about it all. He spent the night fighting the urge to replay everything from Minsoo’s perspective, just so he wouldn’t feel like an evil douche.

He groaned, rolling over in his bed. He should have just stayed home. He sat up looking around. He didn’t want to sleep alone –not in a sexual way. He just needed someone to-

There was a knock at his door and Jiyong flew to it and swung it open.

“MAKNAE!!!” Jiyong yelled in joy as he pulled Seungri into his room.

“Hyung.” Seungri said, confused.

Jiyong pushed Seungri’s jacket over his shoulder.

“Take off your shoes.” He bossed.

“I have a date.” Seungri explained.

“You’ll skip it. I’m sure they won’t miss you.” Jiyong removed Seungri’s shirt like he was a child and tugged at his zipper.

“Rude!” Seungri commented as he removed his trouser.

“I need to sleep with someone and you’ll just have to do.” Jiyong got into his bed and waited for Seungri to finish and join him.

Seungri laughed and got on the bed, sitting with his legs folded as he watched Jiyong.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Seungri asked and Jiyong hated how much pity he saw in Seungri’s eyes.

“It’s a whole long story and I don’t want to get into it.”

“Let me see if I have this down.” Seungri said, looking up at the ceiling. “You fucked Minsoo at the party, strung him along till he fought back and now you want him to want you properly.”

Jiyong narrowed his eyes at Seungri.

“Have you been reading my texts?”

“I saw you guys that night.” Seungri said and Jiyong felt like crap because he knew what night Seungri meant. “And I’ve been around Teentop a lot lately to know that Minsoo’s been very unhappy. Not to mention the fact that Niel seems to think their leader’s screwing someone and hiding it from them.”

“How do you know it’s me?”

“Many things.” Seungri shrugged, pulling at the hanger-looking curve behind his small toe. “Do you know he used to have a crush on you?”

Jiyong had suspected as much. There was no other reason why someone would take as much shit as Jiyong had thrown at him.

“I’ll admit, I don’t know the whole story-”

“He locked himself in the bathroom when I went to see him this evening.”

Seungri stopped talking and stared at him with even more pity.

“I’ll tell you the same thing you told me when I thought Howon was done at me.”

“Which was?”

“You told me that if he thought I was worth it, he’d fight for me and that if he didn’t-”

“Then he didn’t deserve you.” Jiyong completed, remembering that day and how above everyone else he’d felt at them time. “And I’m Howon in this analogy?”

“Yes.” Seungri nodded.

“My maknae is so smart.”

Jiyong said reaching over to pinch his cheeks as Seungri dodged, causing Jiyong to land face-down. Soon, it became a tussle for dominance till Jiyong succeeded in pulling Seungri in and spooning him from the behind, under the covers.

“I think you better call your husbands… tell them you can’t make it tonight.”

“Niel is going to be soooo pissed.”

*********

Minsoo cried the entire night till Ricky got concerned and called Chunji the Minsoo whisperer who then urged Minsoo to let him into the bathroom around 1am.

“I don’t…” He said pathetically. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.” Chunji said, sitting by his side on the floor.

“He’s going to hurt me again. I can feel it.”

Chunji just sat there and allowed Minsoo to garb away even if he didn’t clearly paint the best picture of what had been going on for the past few weeks and what actually happened that night. But he was grateful that he didn’t have to be sensible about anything. All he had to worry about were their schedules and Teentop had the next two days free.

So he woke up on Sunday and went about his day by attending the walkthrough and the carnival at the park. Then he hung out with his members and PT. And every time he saw Jiyong, Chunji magically appeared out of nowhere to buffer. If Chunji were so straight, Minsoo might just let himself love him forever. Because even loving your straight teammate would hurt less than what Jiyong was doing to him.

What he never fathomed was the confused, hurt expression Jiyong wore the first time Chunji showed and subtly ushered Minsoo away. He was almost tempted to stop and investigate. Almost. But he didn’t. Because Minsoo was growing a thick shell.

He needed that thick shell.

Teentop performed on Tuesday and Wednesday, having almost no time to breathe between appearances. While other idols that had friends among other groups and reasons to remain in Gwangju remained in Gwangju, Minsoo gathered up his things and left.

Because Jiyong had become a nightmare.

He was everywhere. He was in the hallway… on Minsoo’s way to practice… backstage waiting for him when he got off the stage… calling his phone… leaving texts. Minsoo knew he’d be ferocious but he never imagined that Jiyong would be this horrible at rejection.

Minsoo knew he couldn’t take more of the harassment so he had to leave. He bade Teentop farewell and left on Thursday morning to the airport. He needed to get away and clear his head. If they got back to Seoul, he’d be on the receiving end of more aggressive attention and he didn’t think he knew how to handle all of it. He knew what to expect from Jiyong now and he would never be caught off guard again.

What he didn’t expect was to be sitting in his seat on the plane, about to switch off his phone, when Kwon Jiyong walked unto the same flight and came to stop by the seat right by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am beginning to appreciate the beauty -and usefulness- of the question mark in the chapter designation. because now, my three chapter story has now become five and i am so sorry. i promise, the next will be the last.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, i am so glad about this story and it was never even planned. thanks for sticking with me through this

Thirty minutes into the flight and Minsoo was still sweating in his clenched fist. He really needed to calm down.

“Would it help,” Jiyong said, leaning forward from the seat behind him. “If I said I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Minsoo was quiet. The cabin was empty except for both of them because while most people were heading into Gwangju for the Festival, not many people were leaving. So it was just the two of them. Alone.

“I’m sorry if I’m making you uncomfortable.” Jiyong pushed back and sat in his place properly.

Then Minsoo started to feel guilty. Maybe he didn’t need to be rude. Maybe juuuusssst a little friendly. So he turned around and peeked at Jiyong through the head rest.

“I didn’t know I’d see you here.”

“I didn’t know I’d see you here, either.” Jiyong replied, shrugging. “Where’s your manager?”

“He doesn’t know I left.”

“Mine either.” Jiyong laughed, shoulders shaking in a naughty/innocent way Minsoo had only ever seen on interviews as he watched Jiyong’s hands come up to hide his mouth. “He’s going to be so pissed. I can’t even imagine what YG-hyung will do when I don’t perform on Friday.”

“I’m better than you.” Minsoo said, smiling. “At least I waited till my rotation was done.”

“You were the reason I came anyway. If I wasn’t going to see you, why bother?”

Minsoo stiffened for a second when he realized the implication of Jiyong’s statement: he’d come to have sex. Without sex on the table, he’d booked the first ticket home.

Jiyong leaned forward again and unconsciously, Minsoo leaned away.

“I deserve whatever you think of me. I do.” Jiyong said. And then he stopped there, looking at Minsoo but saying nothing else.

“But?” Minsoo prodded impatiently.

“But what?” Jiyong asked, looking at him in confusion.

“You deserve what I think but what?” Minsoo explained.

“But nothing.At least, not yet.” Jiyong looked down, sulking a little. “I didn’t really plan to see you. Don’t know what to say.” He sighed tiredly. “You’re kinda throwing me off here.”

Minsoo’s eyebrows rose into his bangs.

_I’m throwing Kwon Jiyong off. I’m throwing Kwon Jiyong off. It’s absolutely no biggie, but I’m throwing him off._

“I’m not just about sex, you know.” And he was talking again as he pulled Minsoo out of his thoughts. “I liked the sex. Don’t get me wrong. But that’s not all I’m about.”

Minsoo remained quiet. If he was throwing Jiyong off, maybe he could wait to see what else fell from those disarmingly daunty lips.

“I liked talking to you too. You’re surprisingly witty… when we’re not face-to-face. I don’t know why that is. Why is that, exactly? It’s like when I get you on the phone, you’re someone else entirely but then when we meet, you become speechless and shy and you blush perpetually. I can’t get an honest conversation out of you for the life of me. And I’ve tried. Even before you became weird and started carting around your side-kick to keep me away from you.” Jiyong rolled his eyes, sitting back in his seat. “And yes, I do know what you were doing. I know you had your guard dog running interference to make sure I couldn’t get you alone. Why? Because I’m some demon with horns and tentacles.” As he said the horns and tentacles, he mimed it, put his hands on his head before wiggling them at his mouth.

Minsoo laughed. Jiyong froze.

“I have never heard you laugh before.” Jiyong said.

“You’re never funny.”

“I beg your pardon.” Jiyong said, feigning irritation. “I’m plenty hilarious, excuse you.”

“Not when you’re with me.” Minsoo noted, finding himself turning around in his seat to kneel so that he was facing Jiyong.

“You never gave me a chance to be.”

“You never gave me a chance to give you a chance.”

“We could go on like this for the entire flight and not achieve anything.” Jiyong pointed out sagely.

Minsoo hugged the headrest to his chest as he rested his chin on top of it.

“You scare me.” He admitted.

“I know.” Jiyong admitted too.

“Then why do you?”

“I’m not trying to anymore. I’ve been nice. I think.” He added as an afterthought. “Haven’t I?”

“Yeah before you bullied me into my hotel room to remind me that you were the one in control.”

Jiyong blushed crimson red on every patch of skin visible to the eye.

“That was a pretty bad move, wasn’t it?”

Minsoo nodded as far as the headrest would let him.

“You were frustrating me and I had to do something.”

“How?”

“You wouldn’t let me fuck you. In my book that’s frustrating.”

The shock in Minsoo’s head must have translated to his face because Jiyong looked at him in slight anger.

“Oh, I love fucking you, Minsoo. Big surprise!” Jiyong said bitterly and Minsoo laughed again. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

“You, Sunbae.”

“See, that’s another thing with the sunbae.” Jiyong said, rubbing his ears as if something had gotten in there.

“What?”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“You’re my sunbae.”

“Do you fuck other sunbaes?”

“No.”

“Then why am I still sunbae?”

“Because you never asked me to call you anything else.”

Jiyong’s mouth opened for a few seconds as he watched Minsoo in wonder before his lips fell shut.

“Well, I don’t like it.” Jiyong said. “Call me hyung.”

Minsoo hesitated. He wasn’t sure he was ready to just let go like that. This was his last barrier. If there was no Chunji on the plane and no real estate between them then how was he going to protect himself? Besides, if he just did it because Jiyong told him too, nothing was ever going to change. He would only always be just the boy who Jiyong told to do things unless-

“You don’t have to.” Jiyong said. “Not if it gives you a quarter-life crisis.”

“It’s not giving me a quarter-life crisis.”

“You should have seen your face. It was like you were trying to bring peace to Korea from your seat.”

Minsoo fanned his face as he turned around and sat back on his seat. This flight still had the potential to be awkward as hell.

“I haven’t been in a relationship in a long while.” Jiyong said. “But I won’t pretend like I don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I decide that I want someone. I am human. And I will fuck up from time to time. Right now, I want you. I do. And it’s not even the confusing kind where I have to talk to someone else about you. I don’t want to mess this up any more than I have… which would be a real fit given the things I have done to you already.”

“What are you saying?” Minsoo asked, not turning around.

“Am I not speaking the same language as you?” Jiyong asked but there was no venom in his voice.

Just to verify, Minsoo looked back but all he saw was Jiyong looking at him with no anger, just a little bit of wistfulness.

“Your accent is kinda funny so maybe I don’t get it,” Minsoo said.

Jiyong rolled his eyes.

“You’re interesting, alright? And we have a lot in common.”

“Like what?” Minsoo asked.

“We’re leaders.”

“And?”

“Rappers… we’re both rappers.”

“You don’t even like to rap.” Minsoo said.

“Who told you that?”

“Seunghyun-hyung.”

“I do. I like it. Maybe not as much as I used to but I do like it.”

“I’m not judging you, hyung.”

“You’re not?”

Minsoo wasn’t sure how to answer that. From the moment he’d seen Jiyong on the flight, he’d judged and watched his every move and breath but at the moment, he wasn’t so sure.

“I don’t think I am.”

“Good.” Jiyong nodded, looking determined. “I’m doing something righ-did you just scoff at me?”

“I’m allowed to do whatever I want, sunbae.”

And then he felt guilt when he saw Jiyong flinch at the “sunbae”. But he really couldn’t help it.

“Scoff all you want.” Jiyong said, throwing his jaw at the ceiling like he really didn’t care.”I know what I’m saying is getting to you.”

“What gave you that I idea?”

“You’re talking to me. When you’re closed off, you ignore and pretend I don’t exist.”

Minsoo could not believe Jiyong had just called him on his tactics. It was so true. One of the things Chunji hated about him was the fact that an angry Minsoo was rather hard to reason with because he didn’t exchange words or give avenues for understanding to be fought to. It was almost impossible to get him to fight back. He had other ways to get what he wanted out of a misbehaving dongsaeng.

Except, Jiyong wasn’t a dongsaeng. He was a hyung and a sunbae.

“I don’t hate you anymore.” Minsoo admitted.

“You never hated me.” Jiyong stated.

“You’re pretty cocky for a person trying to take someone to dinner.”

“Who said I’m trying to take you to dinner?”

“You want me.” Minsoo counted off his fingers. “I’m interesting. We have stuff in common. What does that sound like to you?”

“It sounds like I’m bored and you’re the only person in the cabin.”

Minsoo’s cup hit Jiyong squarely on the forehead.

The next thing he knew, he was being forced unto the tiny space between his seat and the seat in front of his.

“Stop- stop.” He tried to say as Jiyong relentlessly pressed him down as punishment for his impunity because apparently, Jiyong didn’t know how to be political about his feelings and realize that when someone held your sexual future in their hands, you had to grovel at their feet. “HYUNG!” He shouted and Jiyong stopped. Immediately.

Jiyong got off of him as he sat on the chair beside Minsoo’s just as a hostess peeked into the cabin.

“It’s okay.” Minsoo said from the ground as he raised himself high enough to poke his head above the seat in front of his. She turned away and disappeared.

“Why did you call me that?”

“I wanted you to stop.”

Jiyong nodded, biting his lip.

“I liked it.”

“Do you want me to call you that again?” Minsoo asked, still sitting on the floor.

“Yes.”

“Then ask me to dinner.”

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry for this mess


End file.
